Dude

My roommate didn't realize she says "dude" a lot. The past 3 days she's said this multiple times: "I really didn't realize I say dude that much. I say dude all the time!"

We all have idiosyncrasies and mannerisms or perhaps habits that we simply don't realize because they are so a part of us. My dad for example, has been whistling How Great Thou Art everywhere he goes for at least the past 20 years. More than once in my childhood I located him in a Sam's Club by following the hymn. Endearing? Yes, of course. Habit? Absolutely since he's unaware he is serenading all within ear shot.

But beyond "dude" and whistling there is something that wonders how I'm perceived at a deeper level. Are there things people are noticing about me that causes them to turn away or be cautious or hold back? Are there things people see in me that beckon them to something perhaps unknown or unrealized by words but of the soul?

Questions like this must be informed by, as Herni Nouwen would put it, our chosenness and brokenness. Because only in knowing my chosenness in the midst of my brokenness can I truly hear the Lord tell me I am beloved and one on whom his favor rests. Hearing my belovedness in my chosenness and brokenness then allows me to hear the Lord's perception of me first and filter how I am perceived by others through that. Only here can it be useful information and not provoke envy, jealously or insecurity that we all fight, some more than others.

In leadership community recently, Jim Gum talked about how one important aspect of emotional intelligence is being aware of how we are perceived. This requires a valid, trusted source for feedback on how others are understanding how your words, actions and body language.

Often spouses are the default for this, but in my case, there is no spouse yet. So I must enlist close friends to talk to me about how I am perceived. This means we have to have friends that are willing to tell the truth. This means I need to be prepared to be a friend who is willing to tell the truth. This also means I must be ready to hear the truth.

Truth telling is a peculiar thing as it can often have a wide, wide variety of effects, but regardless...it still must be told.

I have a feeling as Christianity changes and as we navigate life in community that we will need the whole of truth telling more than ever. And in case it was every going to be a question...this should be loving, and prayerful and because we are for that person. We should also ask ourselves about our own agendas in the process.

It reminds me how in Proverbs it says "an honest answer is like a kiss on the lips."

Well, maybe hard to understand just how great the truth can be if you haven't been kissed in awhile, but in my case, I'll rely on my long-term memory to confirm the wisdom of the Proverbs ;)

I Don't Like to Mime

I recently returned from Fuller Theological Seminary where I was taking 2 intensive classes for my master's degree. One of the seminars was Biblical Foundations of Mission. In this class, Dr. Robert Gallagher made us mime. Yes, mime. I once made the ultimatum to a youth minister as one of his volunteers that I would quit if I ever have to do a skit again. This was after I ended up in a bunny costume for a Christmas skit with instructions to "wing it". In most situations I will also find my way out of playing charades or Pictionary, but in a class at seminary having to go to the bathroom and not coming back just doesn't work. So, I got over it and my small group of 4 acted out Luke 7:36-50 where Jesus is anointed by a woman with the alabaster jar of perfume.

As it turns out, our professor knew exactly what he was doing (there was no doubt), and I saw something I'm not sure I would have otherwise. In this passage, there is a woman who has just burst into the Pharisee's house(Simon) while he is entertaining Jesus and is weeping at his feet while pouring perfume out. I'll be honest, I would have expected Jesus to address the woman quickly to alleviate the awkward tension. But instead, Jesus reads Simon's thoughts, tells him a story, and teaches him about forgiveness. Then he addresses the woman.

This struck me when we were acting it out because Simon (me) was listening to Jesus (Sean) but right there beside us was this woman (Andrea) weeping at Jesus feet. It was actually distracting and even in the acting, felt awkward that this woman was still weeping in flagrant expression right there next to me.

It occurred to me in that moment that Jesus is relentless in pursing our character. If this isn't a good example from Jesus of a "teachable moment", I don't know what is. Jesus first priority in this situation was the character of the Pharisee who wasn't accepting of this marginalized woman. It is almost as if he knew he was most definitely going to bless her, forgive her, and validate her expression, but would not miss the opportunity to help Simon see and learn forgiveness in that moment.

It seems to me that Jesus could have quite easily taken care of the woman, cleaned up the mess, and later circled back to Simon to "debrief" about the situation and tell him the story in the passage about the forgiven debt. But he doesn't. Jesus leaves the messy, awkward situation just as it is, in full form and reaches in to grab the core of Simon's heart.

I have mixed emotions about this. Part of me feels very loved by it that Jesus relentlessly pursues our character. But on the other hand, I'm not a huge fan of awkward tension which seems to me to be the best description of that room.

In the end, I am reminded of how much what is inside of us is all that matters. In this season of learning how to BE with God and this season of discipline, I feel very much like the Pharisee who Jesus isn't going to let get away with cheap, shallow rooted character for the sake of everything going smoothly for the guests.

I can't help but imagine ways my life would be different if I leaned into those times when I feel the Holy Spirit reaching into my core to expose me for who I really am.

Messy, awkward, tension, undone, known, pure, honest, trustworthy, pursued, chosen are the words that come to mind when I think about God shaping my character.

Church, 20 somethings, leaders....this matters to us. Lean in (and mime if you have to).