Dude

My roommate didn't realize she says "dude" a lot. The past 3 days she's said this multiple times: "I really didn't realize I say dude that much. I say dude all the time!"

We all have idiosyncrasies and mannerisms or perhaps habits that we simply don't realize because they are so a part of us. My dad for example, has been whistling How Great Thou Art everywhere he goes for at least the past 20 years. More than once in my childhood I located him in a Sam's Club by following the hymn. Endearing? Yes, of course. Habit? Absolutely since he's unaware he is serenading all within ear shot.

But beyond "dude" and whistling there is something that wonders how I'm perceived at a deeper level. Are there things people are noticing about me that causes them to turn away or be cautious or hold back? Are there things people see in me that beckon them to something perhaps unknown or unrealized by words but of the soul?

Questions like this must be informed by, as Herni Nouwen would put it, our chosenness and brokenness. Because only in knowing my chosenness in the midst of my brokenness can I truly hear the Lord tell me I am beloved and one on whom his favor rests. Hearing my belovedness in my chosenness and brokenness then allows me to hear the Lord's perception of me first and filter how I am perceived by others through that. Only here can it be useful information and not provoke envy, jealously or insecurity that we all fight, some more than others.

In leadership community recently, Jim Gum talked about how one important aspect of emotional intelligence is being aware of how we are perceived. This requires a valid, trusted source for feedback on how others are understanding how your words, actions and body language.

Often spouses are the default for this, but in my case, there is no spouse yet. So I must enlist close friends to talk to me about how I am perceived. This means we have to have friends that are willing to tell the truth. This means I need to be prepared to be a friend who is willing to tell the truth. This also means I must be ready to hear the truth.

Truth telling is a peculiar thing as it can often have a wide, wide variety of effects, but regardless...it still must be told.

I have a feeling as Christianity changes and as we navigate life in community that we will need the whole of truth telling more than ever. And in case it was every going to be a question...this should be loving, and prayerful and because we are for that person. We should also ask ourselves about our own agendas in the process.

It reminds me how in Proverbs it says "an honest answer is like a kiss on the lips."

Well, maybe hard to understand just how great the truth can be if you haven't been kissed in awhile, but in my case, I'll rely on my long-term memory to confirm the wisdom of the Proverbs ;)