Seasons Released...

I've actually tried to post this 4 times and each time it just didn't feel right. It felt like too much for blogland even though I've posted much more revealing things and pictures of me in more revealing things... well maybe not that part. But there came a time to share it out loud... reading straight from my journal in front of people so now it seems to be released. I could edit some, Cari and Erin could edit a lot, but I'll just post it and let it be whatever it needs to be to you.

September 12th from favorite Jill Bliss journal:
You are so good to bring crisp cool air just when things have gotten so heavy. Perfectly clear blue sky, bright and new, almost like You wiped everything away overnight and started all over again. Like there's not even a trace of yesterday's unbelievable length left in the sky or left in me for that matter. The leaves too...they've started to change. We didn't even have to wait or ask or wish for the first leaf to drop today perfectly floating taking whatever time it needed with no regard for the car coming or the wind that will take it on moments after a perfect landing.

I could go on with imagery of this leaf and time but what is really more significant in this moment is the fact that I didn't even know I needed fall this much until it came creeping up quickly, but sweetly to wrap its coolness around us for a long hello and a cup of coffee with pumpkin spice nonetheless. Then you dropped that leaf just to remind me not to miss this. The thing with the changing of the seasons is that we are forced to leave some things behind and move forward. There were some summer things I didn't quite finish. I only laid at the pool 2 times, only 2 snow cones and not enough long rides on long evenings. But there is no desire to mix snow cones with pumpkin spice lattes or to lay at the pool in long sleeves. It is over and it must be left in it's proper place....last season. This is a gentle but non-negotiable reminder for my heart and soul as well to leave last season there.

You tell me not to worry about forgetting it...it has marked me in a way that will last. You tell me that I will always be able to look closely and see the markings, possibly some places that didn't heal up perfectly smooth....as perfectly as I'd liked. So I trust that You marked me forever and scars are ways of you actually caring for me in ways I wouldn't have know how to care for myself.

So I take Your spirit that nudges to settle into fall, warm up to people, let the coffee linger and last and refill for $.25. Gather around, look, up, notice the leaves. Let them be a gentle, eternally rooted reminder of how life and seasons change and move and propel us on.

Trying to hope in the past will always be futile. I'm confident memory was made for an a anchor of sorts but that life was not meant to be lived at the bottom, in the dark. Life is on the boat, on the deck, in the sun and the rain and the wind where seasons matter and are given the opportunity to change and mark us in ways we have not the ability to humanly muster.

Oh, thank God- he's so good! His love never runs out... so thank God for his marvelous love, for his miracle mercy to the children he loves...If you are really wise, you'll think this over- it's time you appreciate God's deep love. Psalm 107